Twilight Halloween Song: Monster Mash

Monster Mash has always been one of my favorite Halloween songs, and I had to laugh when I discovered there was a Twilight-themed remix of Monster Mash on YouTube.  The owners have disabled the embedding, but the Twilight Monster Mash video is full of hidden gems worth watching over and over.

Enjoy, and have a Happy Halloween, Twilight-themed or not!

Easing Back Into The Twilight Zone

I had one of those moments today, where I realized that what I was really missing was Twilight. So I got online to get caught up and realized that somewhere along the way since Eclipse hit theaters, I've lost months.

I had no idea Nikki Reed was in Nylon.  I think Xavier Samuel's girlfriend is kind of fugly (something with the smile?) and need to do some serious research to remember who all the members of the Denali clan are, much less who is playing them.  It's been a while since I read Breaking Dawn, and I just forget all those bit players, you know?

But I'm mad that I don't know them.  How messed up is that?  It's like a piece of me wants to drop everything and run to the nearest bookstore/library just to get the glossary section of the book to figure out who the heck Cameron is.  Somebody's human companion/mate, perhaps?

Yet I'm hesitant. I remember when I took the first plunge into the Twilight fandom. I lost weeks reading all the back posts and catching up with what had happened since the filming of the original movie.  I came in between Twilight and did the countdown to New Moon.  I was learning as I went, and I didn't know how much I didn't know.

Now I do.  I know how much I've been skipping, and I know how many posts and blogs I should be reading.  I've got the alerts in a folder that should be labeled as the "Guilt" file instead of the Twilight file, because when I look at it I feel guilty that I'm letting the fandom down.

But filming for Breaking Dawn starts soon, and I want to be back.  Let's see how long it takes me . . .

Shirtless Sunday: Kellan Lutz

How did I miss that this was happening?  Apparently PopSugar is hosting a kind of shirtless wonder contest, and it's all come down to Kellan Lutz. vs. Zac Efron. 

Both men have dominated their competition brackets all the way to the top, and I can't wait to see the results.  In the mean time, here are a few more shirtless photos of Kellan Lutz from my Photobucket collection. 

 

And from the Calvin Klein shoot - Damn!

This contest really was the perfect excuse for looking through these shirtless Kellan Lutz pictures.  What a great way to end to weekend ~ Yum!

Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart In World's Grainiest Kiss

So the blogosphere is a-twitter that Bella and Edward . . . I mean, Rob and Kristen . . . have finally been caught kissing in public.  While not accepting an award.  Sadly, rather than being a full on "Yes we suck face deal with it Twilight fans" kind of screw you to the Robsten haters, these are the world's grainiest make-out photos.  Not that I'm necessarily more voyeuristic than the next girl . . it's just if you've got 'em, flaunt 'em is my general motto on celebrity romance with hot men.

Thanks to Celebuzz for the photo (obviously)

Maybe now they'll be able to be a little more public?  Who knows!

If I Was A Werewolf, I'd Shred My Boyfriend

I'll admit, I credit some of my current relationship's existence to the power of Twilight.  How, you ask, especially since Twilight loving makes so many guys run for the hills?  Well, because I was being pretty into the fandom and being a fan fic writer and just enjoying myself, I was radiating that kind of happy glow that seems to be a magnet for meeting people.

So, add in one boyfriend to my life mix.  Good times, right?

Well, mostly.  Right now it is safe to say that if I was a werewolf, I would have power-shredded his ass.  Probably about three times now.

Rawr!

 

It's a hundred little things, culminating with not being able to get a decent night's sleep for the last week.  This made last night's "Let's go out with my clients so I can get weeknight shitfaced" adventure a very crabby experience for sober me, who has to do real work today.  Only my insistence that I needed sleep last night versus turning things into an all-night adventure capped with sexcapades makes me the evil, vindictive bitch here.  Not the one in the other room playing metal and hard rock with room shaking volume and pouting.

And I'm trying to work.  Really.  I have not given up on the day and cried and wished I had my own personal vampire to whisk me away to the Isle Esme, or at least Alaska.  I haven't done that.  I haven't wondered if maybe it wasn't just easier to live alone with a massive secret Twilight obsession than have a warm, real boyfriend who is wonderful most of the time.  No, don't be silly.  I'm not longing for the days where I could get actual projects done and read as much fan fiction as I wanted. No, no, no - why would I do that?

*Cue loud guitars screeching*

Okay, fine.  I'm throwing a massive personal pity party starting NOW.  There's chocolate ice cream in the freezer and I'm having it for lunch.  It should be a helluva day and you're all invited to join.  The first person to show up with a margarita in a bag or a vampire wearing only a bow is my hero.

Twimpage Promotes Distilling Down!

How excited am I to have been pimped by Twimpage?  Very excited!  And also surprised because I didn't know it was happening and wasn't on my Twitter over the weekend.

Fortunately, the absolute lovelies over at Twimpage don't care that I'm not always on the ball and pimped my fiction on July 23rd.  You can see the pimpage for Distilling Down here.

Also, if you are looking for new Twilight fan fic to read, check out the rest of the Twimpage treasures at their site.

Wait, Jackson Rathbone, Is That You?

Just saw some promo photos of Jackson Rathbone in Tokyo promoting The Last Airbender and almost didn't recognize him!

What is this?

I am not a fan!  I think I much prefer it when Rathbone looks like something other than an over-gelled yuppie.  This outtake from Jackson Rathbone's Nylon photo shoot is more my style.

A Taylor-iffic Surprise in My Taxi Cab

I was flying today and had to make a transfer between FLL and my MIA hotel in rush hour.  Do not actually recommend this to anyone.

However, there was a little surprise tucked away for me in the seat pocket of my cab.  I almost squeed with glee when I discovered the July 2010 GQ featuring Taylor Lautner was there:

Oh, Hell Yes!

The interview was actually a very nice piece about Taylor, and I enjoyed reading about the reporter being frightened of the teenagers and crazed moms stalking Taylor Lautner everywhere he goes at award shows and public appearances.  It added a nice perspective to the whole thing, and it presented Lautner in a good light - awed and grateful for his fans, if a little overwhelmed by it all.

But you know what really got me through the traffic?  The photos!  This one was my favorite . . . quite a step up in the sexy department from the original pre-werewolf Taycub, don't you think?

The Abs . . . Sheesh!

Twilight Supermarket Tabloid Shocker!

I was in the grocery store today and just about died when I got to the checkout line.  Not because a new Robert Pattinson photo spread was staring back at me, or because they had another Wolf Pack featurette for sale.

No, I was in shock because The Twilight Saga: Eclipse opened this week to record breaking ticket sales, and there wasn't a damn tabloid headline dedicated to a member of the cast anywhere to be seen.

WTForks, people?

Sandra Bullock is getting a divorce.  Still.

The Bachelorette is dumped.  Yawn.

Jennifer Aniston is having a baby.  I DO NOT EVEN CARE.

I've gotten used to not being able to turn around without seeing a piece of Twilight related merchandise somewhere in the immediate vicinity when I'm out shopping.  Admittedly, at times I thought it was getting a little out of hand but I never thought that on release week - RELEASE WEEK, YOU MORONS - the tabloids and glossies wouldn't be in a Twilight swoon, rolling in money as old fans and new fans alike snapped up special issues.

Also . . . it's the 4th of July and I was in line for a really long time.  Some Twilight made-up gossip drama would have trumped the hell out of reading about that Bachelorette crap while I waited for the lady with 2,000 items in her cart of check out.  Just saying.

It's like all the marketing people died or went on vacation.  Or are clinically dumb.

FOR THE LOVE OF A SHIRTLESS WEREWOLF, DON'T YOU PEOPLE LIKE MONEY?

Even In Nebraska, Eclipse Sells Out

It's official.  While New Moon held the previous opening night box office take, Eclipse has taken the cake with a whalloping $30 million in ticket sales.

$10 per "smiling" face . . . not bad

Even in my native Nebraska, I'm pleased to report that the midnight show was completely sold out.  Not because I had tickets, no, no, no.  Thursday night late show for me . . . currently rewatching the first two movies and cringing at the Star Wars level smoothness of the dialogue.  However, the Twi-hards I discovered at the insurance office today (who knew? And they were right under my nose all along!!) informed me that I'm making the right choice by waiting.  Evidently the late late show of Eclipse was filled with tween crazies.  Hopefully by Thursday it will be cleared out and I'll be able to enjoy Eclipse to the max!

One Camera-less Trip To Forks Land *Facepalm*

I was so excited for my trip along the Northwest corridor.  Finally, I thought, I'd be getting in some serious time in the land that inspired it all.  While there was no way in hell I could swing a family jaunt over to the actual Forks, I figured that the cruise excursions would help me get my fill.  And I would be able to document the snot out of the trip for future fan fiction inspiration and fun here on the blog.

Or I could forget my camera.  You know, whatever works.

I'd just returned from my cousin's wedding, where I'd remembered the camera and forgotten the charger.  No way was that moronic mistake happening twice.  No, no, no.  I very carefully packed the charger for the camera before heading for Seattle . . . with the camera nicely left behind in the console of the car.

Facepalm, head-desk, the whole nine yards . . . it does not even begin to describe how I felt arriving in gloomy, overcast Ketchikan, Alaska all ready to get my Bella Swan on with the camera . . . and had no camera.

Like Jacob in human form (though not in jorts) I proceeded to hike moodily through the rain.  I'm sure I looked just as bedraggled and morose when I rolled back into the local coffee shop for hot refreshment.  However, while I definitely was pouting over the loss of the camera, I think it did help me focus on the mood of the place and make me bond more with the surrounding since I didn't have my lens in the way.of the ambiance. 

On some of the other stops we made, the weather was just as Twilight-shitty as one could hope for.  It made me appreciate what a rare miracle it would have been for it to have ever been sunny in the meadow for a sparklefest, and I was definitely ready to believe there were vampires and werewolves in the trees, because Lord knows no one else would feel at home in the desolate, drizzling landscape that presented itself at every turn.

The saddest moment, though, came when I was back in Seattle on Saturday, and I spotted fellow Twilight lovers camped out for early screenings of the movie, and I couldn't get their picture.  Ladies, I love you and hope you ended up with great seats!

Recap of The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner

The marvelously snarky Cleolinda Jones has done a recap of the Bree Tanner novella.  Think of it as the Cliff's Notes with commentary, and enjoy as you read it here.

Read The Bree Tanner Book For Free

As you know, I have been super excited about the new Bree Tanner book out by Stephanie Meyer.  I thought I was fairly informed, but then I got a link from a friend about a place to read it for free.

Um, squee much?  Because I did.

The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner is available at BreeTanner.com from now until July 5th.  It's a simple but richly graphical site that has a format that lets you turn the pages of the book right on screen, although you can't download the book or print.

I'm a couple of pages in and I am super pleased with the way the website is working for me.  No errors, and you can blow the Bree Tanner book up to full screen size for easier reading if you want.

To me, it's a great way to check out the book before I decide to buy it (although like a true fan girl, I will probably buy it anyway even if it ends up sucking.  Damn must-collect-them-all-itis) and I hope you take advantage of the free Bree Tanner book online before it gets taken down July 5th.

Robert Pattinson FINALLY Gets His Kiss At The 2010 MTV Movie Awards

Amid all of Twilight's nominations and wins at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards, I was pleased to see that Rob Pattinson finally got his awards show kiss from Kristen Stewart.  As Twi-hards will remember, at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards, Kristen and Rob's Twilight kiss was also nominated for best kiss, but they faked out the crowd.

This year, no faking.  However, already the Internet is abuzz and a-Twitter that the kiss was unscripted and that Kristen did not approve.  To me, it doesn't exactly look like she was resisting, given that her arm is around Rob Pattinson's neck instead of punching him in the gut.  So it will be interesting to see how this gets spun by the major gossip hounds over the next few days . . . but it was sure a fun moment for the crowd!

One Year Since The Twilight Revolution

This Memorial Day weekend, while others pondered much more serious fare, I pondered that it was the year anniversary of my discovery of the Twilight Saga.

Hello, Old Friends

 

My, what a year it has been!

If you had told me before I picked up the books that I would read them all in 24 hours, I would not have believed you. If you had told me that a year later I would have written nearly 200 blog posts and nearly 50,000 words of Twilight fan fiction, I would have laughed my ass off.

Yeah, well, shut up. I'm guilty as charged on all counts.

Looking back on the year, these are a few of the things that stand out to me:

Taylor Lautner Has Gotten Hotter

In the beginning, there was Sharkboy with the long hair. Not attractive. Nothing doing. Then it turned out that he really, really wanted to be Jacob Black again for New Moon. The baby fat disappeared as the muscles sprang out and damn! Would you look at that?

I would. MMMMmmmm. And he's 18 now.

I Don't Really Care About The Other Movies

I am aware that members of the Twilight clan have made other movies, and that many more movies are in the works.  Unfortunately, I'm not all that interested in those movies.  The Runaways doesn't grip me, and even though it will be out on DVD July 20th, and the only reason I'm interested in Water For Elephants is because I read the book and loved it.  I think Reese Witherspoon will be awful in it, and thus it's hard to get all worked up for the movie, Robert Pattinson or no Robert Pattinson.  Clearly, loving the other Twilight related works is going to be a work in progress kind of thing.

There Can Be Only One Victoria

 

 

 

When Summit announced that Rachelle Lefevre was kicked out of Twilight, I had one of those moments I never thought would ever, ever happen to me.

 

I had a fan girl hissy fit.  

 

I still am not over this.  It's making me not want to see Eclipse because every time I see that god-awful Bryce Dallas Howard in the Eclipse trailer every fiber of my being screams out WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

 

Do not want does not even begin to cover this.  Actor substitutions are only marginally acceptable in sequels anyway, and definitely not when they involve subbing out a character who is kick ass awesome in favor of some suck ass who is going to mess the whole thing up.

Stomp, stomp, fume, pout.  I will be a spoiled little fan girl about this.  Damn you, Summit monsters, damn you all to hell.

No Being Mean To Alice

 

 

If you had asked me a year ago who Ashley Greene even was, I would have looked at you blankly.  Now, not only can I tell you way, way more about her than you ever wanted to know, I insist that no one be mean to my Alice.  I also routinely complain about the way they dress her character, and have developed a sadly detailed memory for who wore what when on the red carpets as a result.  I did not care about any of this nonsense a year ago, and now I tremble in my boots that they will kick her out of the Breaking Dawn movie.  Sigh.

Fan Fiction Rocks

 

I have become a perpetual pimper of my own fan fiction, Distilling Down, as an extension of my love for a source of stories I didn't even know existed until I tripped over Twilight.  If the me I was before Twilight knew what the Twi-hard I am now read for fun, I would be mocked.  Mercilessly.  And yet here we are, with the story posted in three communities and hopelessly addicted to it all.  Hours of my life disappear into fan fic that were formerly spent reading *real* books and I am . . . 

. . . 100% okay with that.  Suck it, real books.

All in all, it has been a good and rewarding year since I found Twilight . . . and I am curious to see what the next year brings!

Chapters 10 & 11 Of Distilling Down Up

Real life takes its toll on my twi-time, but I have been etching out a few minutes for fan fic writing!

The new chapters of Distilling Down are up, and you can read them on the main Fan Fiction site here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5382391/10/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5382391/11/

I've also starting posting on MyVampFiction, so if you are a reader there, watch for the new chapters!

Chapter 9 of Distilling Down is Live!

After many delays, Chapter 9 of Distilling Down is live! Go, read, enjoy: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5382391/10/

Jodelle Ferland On Bree Tanner Book

As I continue to explore information about Stephanie Meyer's promotional book, The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, I found this interview about the book with Jodelle Ferland, who plays Bree in Eclipse.

The Book Brings Me Back To The Fold

It took a book to get me hooked on the Twilight phenomenon, and it's taken a book to get me back with the program.

It wasn't like I was consciously avoiding the Twi-dom. I've still been working on Distilling Down, my fan fic, and loosely keeping up with the Twilight related news. Being in Ecuador made it harder, and real life has kind of intruded as well. Since I think you should Twi-hard or go home, I opted to go home for a while.

And then I saw this.

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. I want.

And now I can't quite stay away. I am actually pretty damn excited for this thing to come out in June. I've been struggling to get excited for the Eclipse trailer, in part because every time I see Bryce Dallas Howard's face my whole being rises up and screams THAT IS NOT RIGHT but this Bree Tanner thing? This I can be excited about.

Part of the money from the book sales will go to charity. This justifies everything.

MWAH-HAHAHA. . . and I'm totally sucked back in. I have some mega reading todo, having taken an effective leave of absence from my blog rolls since February, but from Taylor Lautner's birthday to those hot billboards of Kellan Lutz in his underwear, I am looking forward to catching up.

Breaking Dawn = 2 Parts!

It's official, people. Breaking Dawn will be two movies, which is great news, except Melissa Rosenburg will be adapting them.

No word on a director. . . this has been kicked around for about a million years, so I'm glad they finally decided something. Now just to get the details sorted!

Jacob Black Tonner Doll = Fail

I don't have much to say about the new Tonner doll that's supposed to represent Jacob Black other than no. Just, no.

Creepy Ken? Yes, this is.



Jacob Black. . . not so much. Can't they at least make it look like Taylor Lautner? The arms are especially disturbing.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. . . fail!

New Moon Hit By Razzie Nominations

I know I've been blog fail for a bit now, as Ecuador is a great vacation spot with crap for Internet bandwidth. We're working on it.

I did manage to sneak in some unauthorized Internet usage today and discovered that New Moon had been nominated for multiple Razzie Awards. Razzies are pretty much the anti-honor, given to the "worst of" categorizations. While the Twilight cast thankfully didn't sweep the nominations, there were still a few nods in there to our team.

The Twilight Trifecta got nominated for Worst Screen Couple of 2009. In some recognition of the love triangle in New Moon, the three of them were nominated in dual pairs, as Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner.

Independently, Rob Pattinson earned a Razzie nod for his New Moon portrayal of Edward in the Worst Supporting Actor of 2009 category, and Melissa Rosenburg earned a nomination for Worst Screenplay. I think Twifans will second that, and I also blame Melissa Rosenburg's screenplay for the nomination that the Twilight Saga: New Moon received in the Worst Remake, Sequel, or Rip-Off category.

For a full list of the Razzie nominees, you can hit the Razzies homepage, and we'll just have to stay tuned March 6, 2010 to see if the Twilight crew ends up being a "winner" of any of the Razzie Awards.

Rob Pattinson's Hope For Haiti Appeal

I missed it live last night, but here it is online, complete with the donation information below. There's some other Twi-news today, but we'll just focus on helping others for a while, m'kay?

To donate to Hope for Haiti Now, you have a number of choices. Hope for Haiti is online at HopeForHaitiNow.org or you can go mobile and call (877) 99-HAITI or text “GIVE” to 50555. Snail mailers can write to Hope for Haiti Now Fund, Entertainment Industry Foundation, 1201 West 5th Street, Suite T-700, Los Angeles, CA 90017.

Distilling Down Is Famous!

Okay, so my fan fiction story, Distilling Down, isn't that famous. Nor am I as an author. The two of us, however, did get interviewed this week by WhyNotFO for the So You Think You Can Write blog.

Here are a few takes from their post about the story and the interview:

"Are you looking for an amazing mindfuck of a story? One where you can’t tell which way is up… but you can’t wait for the next chapter? I definitely recommend Distilling Down! This is in no way your ordinary, run-of-the-mill Twi love story. We first encounter Bella on a beach, looking at a picture of her smiling in the arms of a man that she was hired by the Volturi to kill? Capture? We don’t know. And that is only the first mystery. I don’t want to give away too much (like I could!), because I want you to read this incredible story. Take away the Twi garb..uh… STUFF (hint-hint), and this could be a best seller.

The plot winds between Russia, Italy, Washington… and that’s just in the first few chapters. We meet old friends, and new characters, as well as the characters we’ve come to know used in interesting, different ways. Though Emoward remains, he actually has a reason this time! Remember sweet, motherly Esme? Uh-uh. “Independent Operative” of whom even the Volturi are afraid. Jasper? Dark past. Double agent once? Maybe. Same with Laurent. My favorite change up is Boxer Ben. LOL!

And Bella? Ahhh… our sweet, sweet Bella. Deliciously frightening and mysterious. An Angel of Death, who takes vamp and human alike. Some of my favorite lines are at the end of chapter two:

“Pile what up?”

“The same thing she always does, Alice. Bodies. Wherever she is, you know someone’s dying.”

I'm in authorial heaven over here . . I've never been interviewed as an author before and I'm so happy right now it's ridiculous. Also . . .must work on the story! If they're going to love on me, the least I can do is deliver new chapters!

Twilight + Haiti = Good Things

Rumors swirled for days, but it has now been confirmed that Robert Pattinson will participate in the telethon for Haiti. Currently, he's the only confirmed presenter for the London site, which means the fandom's favorite recluse will be the star of the show.

Kristen will be at Sundance. Taylor Swift is performing (she's Twilight by association, okay?), but no word on some of the others.

Taylor Lautner, Tuxedo Style

While the Golden Globes were painful to watch (Ricky Gervais, ick!), there was one bright spot in the evening.

Taylor Lautner may have sounded a little stilted as he presented, but he looked good in his suit. No idea what it was made of . . .shiny something. I've heard rumors of pleather, but my brain just can't process the werewolf Jacob in pleather that so we'll settle for shiny. Shiny is good.

Shirtless Sunday: Jackson Rathbone

Can I get an AMEN? I am loving these new stills from Jackson Rathbone's movie, HURT. It makes me almost brave enough to see the film, but I'm not sure even a shirtless Jackson Rathbone could get me past my horror movie squeamishness. Still . . . they're not bad, are they?

Happy Trails To You

Seriously, why can't Jackson Rathbone be shirtless in the Twilight movies? Why does he have to be known for his bad hair? As soon as they pick their new director, the fandom needs to submit a list of demands. Item 1? Less bad wig, more exposed abs for Mr. Rathbone.

Funny Reaction To Breaking Dawn

Couldn't resist sharing when I saw this!

Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning Makeout? ICK!

I'll confess that I've been looking forward to seeing The Runaways when it comes out. I was a little too young to have been that into the music scene when they were big, but I am a later in life lover of Joan Jett music, so it was on my list.

My understanding of the plot was that it was generally about the band and their life. Now, MTV Sneak Peek is raving on and on about how the makeout scene between Kristen Steward and Dakota Fanning is going to be "explosive" and how the director just couldn't not include the sexual interaction between Joan Jett and Cherie Currie.

Yeah, I just bet he couldn't resist. Pervert.

Yes, I know it happened. That doesn't mean I want to see it on film. Especially when I know that one of the actresses is not yet 18. It's just . . . kind of gross? Inappropriate? I don't know . . it just doesn't feel like something I'd enjoy watching on a number of levels, at least one of them oddly parental. Forget about your agent letting you do something . . . did your mom have anything to say about this?

Then there's the level of odd that it's Bella and Jane making out here, since you know that's an alternative reality scenario right there. It just adds to the wrong.

Sign. I'm in the movie for the music, not the cheap lesbian thrills.

More Music, Less Makeout, Okay?

Robert Pattinson's Lipstick Mystery Solved

A long running pet peeve of mine has been the lipstick on Edward's character in both Twilight and New Moon. When I watch the movie, I think "Who thought that would be a good idea?"

Mystery Solved

Norma Hill-Patton. Congratulations. While I envy you the unfettered access you have to Rob Pattinson's lips, I could just smack you for what you put on them. It looks neither right nor natural.

Distilling Down Chapter 6 Is Up!

Chapter 6 has arrived . . . and is twice as long as the usual chapters! Read it here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5382391/7/

A brief teaser:

St. Petersburg, Jasper’s POV

Laurent had better get here soon. The café was slow this afternoon, and the waitress was giving me the evil eye as I lingered over my coffee, no doubt hoping I would cash out soon so she could go do whatever it was waitresses did on a dead day. Sadly, I had to stay. Laurent, you late bastard, hurry the fuck up.

The birds had taken care of the roll, saving me from going through the pretense of eating it. I hadn’t meant to order it, but with my Russian skills even being at the right café was a gift from God. I wasn’t about to bitch over a few unwanted pastries.

Shifting in my seat, I started in with the affirmations. You are patient, I told myself. You are calm. So calm, in fact, that in less than .02 seconds I was going to show that waitress where she could stuff her stink eye.

Deep breaths, Jasper. You are not here to eat the civilians. I missed being an unregulated gangster. Respectability had its moments, but this was not one of them.

Ashley Greene + Skinsuits + Sobe = Man Fail

So, Ashley Greene has been returning to her modeling ways, and has figured out how to confound every male on the planet with her latest photoshoot. Now, I was fascinated with the painted on scales and the whole idea of rolling around in the ocean in something that is probably water soluble . . . in front of a camera, no less, but I kind of viewed it as art. Anything that takes 12 hours to paint on by hand is art, right?

Okay, so it's pretty sexy art. And it does kind of lure you into wondering what Ashley Greene has under her skinsuit. Except that's obvious, right? The whole point of the skinsuit and the Sobe campaign of "Zero Inhibitions" is that Ashley Green is NAKED under the skinsuit. Because it's just paint, right?

And then my friend goes . . . "So where are her nipples?" and like a straight forward, practical type, I point out that her photo shoot is clearly at the beach, Turks and Caicos to be exact, so its not like she's cold. Besides, I'm a girl, and my mild technical curiosity around such things was satisfied by the invention of Photoshop.

Unfortunately, he's a guy, and details like Photoshopping the scales on the skinsuit seem hard, and these are outtakes, so in theory not processed, so this is a problem that just continues to confound him. It's like the whole shoot was engineered to make his brain fail. There is nothing else he's going to get done today besides wonder what is under there to make the nipples disappear. Whole universes could collapse around him, and he'll still be staring at these photos of Ashley Greene, wondering what went wrong.

I can only imagine the state of the world when these appear in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition. It hits newsstands February 10th, and it just might be the man fail heard round the world.

Kellan Lutz In February Cosmopolitan

Cosmopolitan magazine has declared 2010 the "Year of the Vampire" and are featuring vampires in their February edition. You'd think Robert Pattinson would get the vamp champ starring feature, but instead it went to Kellan Lutz. I'll take that.

Taylor Lautner Now Worth $7.5 Million

Apparently Taylor Lautner is more than willing to trade on his Twilight Saga fame. The kid (or probably his super dad) have just finished negotiations that official make Taylor Lautner the highest paid teenage actor in Hollywood.

$7.5 Million? I'm worth it!

According to Deadline Hollywood, the big payday is for a new film called Northern Lights. Tom Cruise is involved with the film, which is about fighter pilots. (Tom Cruise and fighter pilots. Right, who knew?). According to Nikki Finke over at Deadline, neither Zack Efron or Miley Cyrus make as much as Lautner, even though they have more acting experience. To which one can only say, experience, schmexperience. Who's got the hot abs here?

New Year, New Plans, New Fics

Welcome to 2010!

I know that lots of people have been doing reflections back on the decade that just passed, but I'm still home with the parents for the holidays (leaving for Ecuador the 13th, make it please come sooner!) and so I don't want to look back on the decade because I'm feeling enough time warp as it is just sleeping in my old room.

Thus, let's forget the past and focus on the future. Now, I'm not going to be one of those yahoos jumping up and down screaming about how 2010 is gonna be great. It's not gonna be that great, y'all. Calm the eff down. Loud noises in early January are bad, okay?

However, 2010 should be reasonably decent, and I'm looking forward to the year ahead. Lots of good things are going to happen, like me spending the rest of the winter somewhere warm and Eclipse coming out.

I also want to get back to posting every day, even though I know it likely won't happen until after I am out of the parents house. The Twilight withdrawal has diminished to a dull, yet constant ache somewhere in the back of my brain. I can't explain to Mom & Dad why changing the channel away when Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift broke up was a party foul. I just have to endure.

My endurance has been tempered by some sneaky fan fiction reading. Thought I'd share a few of my new favorites here, in case you are looking for a way to pass the time!

1. Irritable Grizzly Adams: Ignore that the title doesn't scream Twilight Fan Fiction. This story is a good alternative universe creation based on a unique take on the break up scene and the Edward-never-comes-back theme. I was hooked from the first chapter. I wasn't alone in falling hard for the story, as The Lazy, Yet Discerning Ficster also recommended it way back in the day. It even has a thread on Twilighted for the dedicated!

2. Geek Love: In addition to being an absolutely awesome story, I'm so thrilled that the author of Geek Love, SassenachWench, replied to pretty much every review I left. She seems like a funny, cool, and well-adjusted type--and yes, I am fan crushing on her hard-core at the moment. The story is Bella and Edward as computer geek types, complete with Nerf battles and binary code references. Updates regularly with lovely subtle humor and some gut busting scenes, too. Chapter 22 should be out soon!

Also, while I'm at it: You need to check out Elemental for a cool twist on the Forks families, The Naked Guy Upstairs for light laughs and love, and Art After 5 for some really well done angst (I've loved on this one before, but now it's complete!).

PS: My photo comparing Kellan Lutz to Marky Mark for the Calvin Klein campaign got pulled since Mr. Wanberg was in his underwear. I think this is a bad sign for my plan for billboard scans of the Kellan campaign, don't you?