Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Universe Conspires To Keep Me From Reading Twilight

I decided to read Twilight again . . .you know, just for something to do.

Also I am giving in and writing a fan fiction story and I need some refreshers. (Got my first chapter back from Project Team Beta this morning and I am in effing heaven . . .although I have about 400 comma changes to make.)

But the universe is against me on this one ... we've had a death in the extended family and I will be winging it back to NE in T-minus 6 hours. Packing like a banshee on crack . . .but want to be reading Twilight instead!

Wishing and hoping I can make this true sometime!


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Wolf Pack With Shirts = Unacceptable


Okay, whose brilliant idea was it to put out a brand new poster of the Wolf Pack WITH SHIRTS?

This is not acceptable.

No one wants to see these puppies with their shirts on. NO ONE. Plus, this whole set up makes them look like they just escaped from jail and have been living in your garden shed for weeks, only to take a vote and decide to break into your house and kill you for your groceries. After huffing all your cleaning products.

Bad marketing department, bad, bad.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Summit Can't Make Me Wear A Bra

Dear Summit,

Look, I'd like to have a word with your marketing department. Apparently, your licensing people don't know when to call it a day. Yes, Twifans are a pack of raving crazies and we do buy a lot of really inappropriate fan gear (I'd like present exhibit A, the sparklepeen, but I refuse to have one near enough to me to be able to present it).

Anyway, I'm sure you were all sitting around one afternoon when you got the brilliant idea that instead of our hearts and minds, you were going straight for our nearest and dearest.


But look here, you greedy bastards, Cullen Crest jewelry is one thing (*cough*tacky*cough*), and Cullen Crest lingerie is a whole other ball of wax.

Basically, I spent my entire junior high school career, every second of my high school career, and to be perfectly honest, some of my COLLEGE career growing my darlings. I like them. I treat them to good things. Frankly, if I'm going to splurge and buy them something REALLY NICE, I'm going to get Robert Pattinson himself, do you understand me? Not your little bra thing.

You can't make me wear it. I won't. I'll go without. In protest. So there, you merchandise whores.


The Braless One
Once again, LettersToTwilight has found a picture that pretty much sums it up for me today:


Also, if you haven't read Twitarded's hysterical "Just The Tip" rant on spoilers, you must.

Jane, If You Want Her

Hmmm, despite my universal loathing of most of Twilight Halloween gear and my utter BOOO-HISSS toward the character of Jane (yes, I'm mature like that) this is actually a decent recreation of the look if that's what you want for Halloween.

The Posts I didn't Make This Weekend


Despite starting off with reasonable intentions, I rapidly degenerated into a worth slob who did nothing but (disturbingly) dream of Chris Weitz and inhale massive amounts of Wolf-pack justified graphics, interviews, and fan fic this weekend. Pretty much all it takes to get me distracted, it seems, is a shining pair of underage abs, followed by an update to one of my favorite stories.

I was motivated to write a section for my own fan fic (more on that later), but not to make coherent thoughts out of Wolf Pack material. It's like the Team Edward in me rises up and rebels, and forces me to lose typing ability after checking out anything in soaking wet jorts with a tattoo. Throw in time spent looking at Taylor Lautner instead of working on the rest of the pack, and it's no wonder it's Sunday night on the WolfPack weekend and I haven't got a darn thing to show you.

Apologies, I suck at follow through. I do hope sort through all the wolfy goodness I discovered and show you some gems soon, however!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I've Dreamed About Chris Weitz

Today was cold and dreary here (damn you, oncoming winter) and so I needed a nap.

And in a sign that all things Twilight related are effing up my brain, I dreamed about Chris Weitz.


Yes, that's the one. The very same. And while he is funny and cute(ish) and much more in my age range than the Wolf Pack I've been ogling the rest of the weekend HE'S MARRIED. Thank goodness in the dream all we did was try and work out a time to have dinner, cause otherwise I'd been at the shrink's. I don't do married people, even in my dream life.

So it's official: Twilight really does drag you to the dark side. Help!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Stay Tuned For A Wolfpack Weekend

Whatever else happens in the fandom this weekend, I've decided: It's Wolfpack time.

Though I've admired their abs from afar, I haven't taken the time to do much in-depth appreciation for the individual actors who make up the Wolfpack. It's like I see Taylor Lautner's abs, get distracted, and forget a) what I was doing and b) that there are more wolves.

With the launch of the new stills this week, I just can't ignore the boys any longer. It may take me a minute to track down just the right pictures of each one, but trust me, this weekend is going to be "ab"solutely fabulous!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Hitler Reacts To Twilight The Movie

So, my Dad took a break from a board meeting he was in to point me in the direction of YouTube. This is such a rare and unheard of occurrence that it deserves a post all on its own, but we don't have time for that. Let me just say, I love you, Dad, and move on to Hitler.

He was steering me to the video manipulation of Hitler reacting to the Nebraska football team's horrible loss to Virginia Tech. Yes, I watch football, too. Yes, I'm a Cornhusker. It's a family thing. Sue me if you don't like it.

However, this isn't a football post. It's a Twilight post, because just like Rome, all roads lead to Twilight. Eventually. Even football, boys, even FOOTBALL will lead you to Twilight.

In this case, they lead to Twilight AND Hitler, which is special and weird just in its own way. I realize this is undoubtedly old, but it is still comedy genius.

Yay, 100th Post!

Whee! I went to post my latest rant, and realized I was at my 100th post. Can not believe I've had so much to say about Twilight and the Twilight saga ALREADY. Oh wait. . . .well, maybe I can, since friends are pointing out to me that I need to quit screening everything with "Are there vampires in it?" Either way, it's been good fun so far, and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who has been a reader and a commentator!

The New Moon Soundtrack, In Unbelievable Depth

Well, I was going to say a few things about the New Moon Soundtrack, but the girls over at Letters to Twilight were already on that. In unbelievable depth. With videos, where applicable.

How can I compete/replicate? I can't. I can only bow down in awe and invite you to read the most complete New Moon Soundtrack breakdown on the web.

Dakota Fanning Looks 1000 Years Old

New Volturi stills are out today, and I confess to being completely taken aback by them. Mostly, because it breaks down like this. Dakota Fanning, who plays the vampire torturer Jane in New Moon, is not that old. In fact, Dakota Fanning's real age is 15. She was born in 1994.

In this photo, however, she looks about 1,000.


I mean, I know that the camera usually adds about 20 pounds, but 985 years? Sweet Jesus, keep that lens away from me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Facebook For Death Announcements = Odd

My afternoon got a little turned around this afternoon, when I learned of the death of a traveling friend via Facebook. Apparently he washed up on a beach in Columbia, drowned. It was just really, really sad and weird, and it's left me in a strange mood. Not even the Wolf Pack stills (which are amazing, more on them later when I'm better) can distract me. Pardon some silence . . .it seems I need to check on a few people I've not heard from for a while to make sure they're still okay.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

What Rob Pattinson Really Thinks About Twitter

So, much to the utter joy of the Twilight fandom, Rob Pattinson appeared on Twitter, courtesy of his Twilight co-star and total Twitter whore, Peter Facinelli.


I think Pattinson was trying to be funny, in his own special British way. And it's what the fandom will have to accept, because I'm pretty sure I know what was going through Rob's mind when Peter Facinelli was all "Be on my Twitter, Bitch"


I mean really . . .a million followers? Congratulations are in order . . . I guess. That and what, exactly, will get you a beer, Peter?

Twilight Funny For the Weekend + 2 More

Sheesh, was that a long week for anyone else or what? It certainly was for me. Damn you the week after a long holiday weekend, damn you.

To make it all better, I offer you some laughs for the weekend.

Here's a little Twilight humor, courtesy of Twilighters Anonymous. It's Carlisle's "Top 10 Pick Up Lines" and yes, they are every bit as bad as you'd imagine (snicker):

10. I’ve learned a lot over the centuries, but I’d give it all up for your smile.

9. You can show me anything, I am a doctor after all.

8. Have you ever wondered what started my scarf collection? Would you like to find out?

7. The name is Cullen. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but I like to be known as Dr. Love.

6. Do you want to play doctor?

5. These hands are skilled and trained to save lives. Would you like to find out what else they’re good at?

4. I’m a doctor, and yes I do take my lab coat home.

3. You can call me Dr. McSparkly.

2. If you need a love doctor, I have a medical degree.

1. [Holds Stethoscope] Why don’t you listen to your heart and go out with me?

Then here are two pieces of non-Twilight humor, courtesy of the grapevine.

Who hasn't heard of this little incident? No, I'm not talking about the original performance by Kanye West at the VMAs (aka, Why Drinking Before Public Appearances Is Retarded). I'm talking about the President calling him a jackass, captured here:

And finally . . . .oh sweet Lord . . . .I present you with People Of Wal-Mart. For those of you who visit from around the world, Wal-Mart is a mega discount store where a VERY BROAD swathe of Americans shop for the cheapest goods money can buy. You really never know who you will see there, and here's the photographic evidence to prove it. I laughed so hard at some of these I think I hurt something. See if you can spot the Twilight connection . . .it's a couple of pages back.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Photoshop Can't Make Bryce Dallas Howard Victoria

I love these Photoshop project postings, in part because they remind me that with the right audio visual department anyone can be a movie star, and hey, hope springeth eternal.

This one can from the lovely, and it's a decently soundtracked manipulation. Too bad that at the end of the day Bryce Dallas Howard is still not as Victoria to me as Rachelle Lefevre!

The Ultimate New Moon Trailer (6 minutes!)

Okay, I have a ton to catch up with here (DAMN YOU REAL LIFE!), but I thought I'd start with the super trailer, because it is Full Of Win.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

When Outfits Attack: Ashley Greene

Yay for the MTV VMAs! I missed the live feed so I have about 10 billion YouTube postings to catch up on, but fortunately there is plenty of time for my favorite awards show game: What the hell are you wearing?

Today's contestant is none other than VMA fashion correspondent Ashley Greene. Yes, we all know and love Ashley, and I may have counseled in the past that you don't be mean to Ashley Greene.

However, you don't be dressin' Ashley Greene in no stinkin' gold lamé skirt, either.

Exhibit A: The Horror

ashley greene

For shame! Who did this? You know she didn't get to dress herself. Most of the time when she dresses herself she looks pretty good.

Exhibit B: Personal Taste

ashley greene

And even though I thought the skirt here was a little special, too, at least it didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

Exhibit C: Past Choices


So basically what we have here is ample evidence that Ashley is a basically competent dresser, capable of not looking like something that escaped from the '80's just this afternoon. Which means I have to find someone and hit them for this.

Exhibit A: The Horror, Again, Because I'm Not Done

ashley greene

I would also like to have her ditch the shoes, that necklace, and whoever did her eye make-up. She looks good, but it's more like an outfit I would have expected on Kristen Stewart, especially after that punk spike skirt thing from the Teen Choice Awards.

For the record, I don't like the clutch she's holding, either. Shudders. Ashley, please, I count on you to be the cute one! Don't let this happen again.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Trailer Time!

For as long as it lasts . . . .!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Watching For The Goods

It's been an interesting short week after the long weekend. Damn, has it gone fast! I still don't feel like I am on the right day of the week, or all caught up on anything.

I am, however, still patiently waiting for a bit of Twilight News to really light my fire. You know, something that isn't shopping, sushi, or people leaving Vancouver.

Alice Cullen,ashley greene

I'm watching and waiting . . . .for you to do something already.

Thankfully, the MTV VMA's are this weekend, which means that at least there will be new fun photos to play with. And video clips, which I like. And of course ... the fodder for fan made video clips and photo manips, which are even more fun.

I'll be driving back to the East Coast for part of the weekend, though, but I am looking forward to some "me" time after all this "family time", and "me" time means a big bunch of "catching up on Twistuff" time is about to occur. Yay!

Twilight Hits

Hehehe . . .all the people who poo-poo my Twilife are now that very same people who now find it newsworthy. Here's the "reputable" talking about how Twilight is bad for your love life, and bagging on the Bella character:

"Bella tells us repeatedly that Edward the smug vampire is "too perfect," (256) "flawless," (261) and has an "angel's face" (262). I nearly got brainwashed. But it's like, he could kill her at any second, yet she continues to trust and lust. Of course he doesn't kill her, so we're supposed to be grateful and think highly of him. Such manly restraint!"

There's more if you're interested . . .in the 4 reasons Twilight is just not that good for you.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Twilight Porn For Halloween?

As much fan fiction as there is out there, and given the riotous laughingstock that is the sparklepeen, you knew it was only a matter of time before someone made Twilight porn.


There are some pieces of me that acknowledged, on one level, that it must be in existence out there somewhere, the porn world being what it is and all. It's just a whole other thing to see the movie posters out there in the Twiverse and know that yes, Virginia, there is a Twilight porn. Coming soon to a theatre (or home theatre) near you.

Even more shudder worth are the details from Twicrack Addict, where I got to learn that the star, Jenna Haze, is apparently the 2009 female performer of the year. If I was Kristen Stewart, I'm not sure if that would make me feel better or worse, to know that I have a porn star alter ego who has won "real" acting awards.

Then again, if I was Kristen Stewart, I'd be thin and get to hang all over Robert Pattinson. So I'd probably be totally indifferent to whoever was playing me in the Twilight porn version of my character's life. Just saying.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Rob's Legs, In Super Hot Slo-Mo

Well, well, well . . .look what I found!

robert pattinson

Seriously. I've accomplished nothing useful since tripping over this gif of Robert Pattinson's legs from Little Ashes. I do not feel the need to share with you how long I have stared at it, totally transfixed. I will only share that I have spent AGES trying (and failing) to figure out how to make it bigger.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Movie Stars Have Quiet Labor Day Weekend

Well, there is nothing like being back to work after a long weekend. Nothing quite matches that little bit of hell that is knowing you get to get back to the daily grind, or at the very least, a big pile of deadlines and emails that all want something from you.

The good news for me as I plug back into blog land was that by being out of town and a bit lazy, I missed the great photoshoot brouhaha of 2009. Essentially, for those of you that missed it, there were these smoking hot new pictures of Rob Pattinson that hit the web late last week . . . .only the photographer who took them was seriously NOT OKAY with them being out on the internet. Gung ho bloggers who posted them up were hit with nasty DOWN NOW orders, and some websites were blocked. Not so cool, and not so fun.

The general mocking of said photo takedown happened at TWITARDED. Seriously, these girls are too funny with their Twi-madness.

In news from the Twilight Eclipse set . . . nada. Essentially, all the big famous stars did what I did with my weekend . . .hang out, eat out, catch a concert. Okay, so I didn't go to a concert, but all reports are that they had a lot of fun with the 6 billion paparazzos that stalked them there and yet still did not manage to get a decent photo to share with you.

Instead, I'll close today with a note about some people who had WAY too much time for fun this weekend. Seriously, who mowed this into a cornfield?


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Houston, We Have A Convert

So, having introduced my friend to Fan Fiction (specifically, The Office) I was left to continue my road trip home for Labor Day unsure whether or not she was really going to go for it. I mean, it is a big step to cross over into Twilight addictedness, and fan fiction is a big leap.

She called me yesterday and confessed that she was trying to figure out how to sneak home on her lunch break to read more chapters! Bwah-ha-ha-ha . . .I WIN!


Now if I can just get her to agree to actually read the books . . . I might have company to the midnight showing of the movie in November :-)