Monday, January 11, 2010

Ashley Greene + Skinsuits + Sobe = Man Fail

So, Ashley Greene has been returning to her modeling ways, and has figured out how to confound every male on the planet with her latest photoshoot. Now, I was fascinated with the painted on scales and the whole idea of rolling around in the ocean in something that is probably water soluble . . . in front of a camera, no less, but I kind of viewed it as art. Anything that takes 12 hours to paint on by hand is art, right?

Ashley Greene

Okay, so it's pretty sexy art. And it does kind of lure you into wondering what Ashley Greene has under her skinsuit. Except that's obvious, right? The whole point of the skinsuit and the Sobe campaign of "Zero Inhibitions" is that Ashley Green is NAKED under the skinsuit. Because it's just paint, right?

Ashley Greene

And then my friend goes . . . "So where are her nipples?" and like a straight forward, practical type, I point out that her photo shoot is clearly at the beach, Turks and Caicos to be exact, so its not like she's cold. Besides, I'm a girl, and my mild technical curiosity around such things was satisfied by the invention of Photoshop.

Unfortunately, he's a guy, and details like Photoshopping the scales on the skinsuit seem hard, and these are outtakes, so in theory not processed, so this is a problem that just continues to confound him. It's like the whole shoot was engineered to make his brain fail. There is nothing else he's going to get done today besides wonder what is under there to make the nipples disappear. Whole universes could collapse around him, and he'll still be staring at these photos of Ashley Greene, wondering what went wrong.

Ashley Greene

I can only imagine the state of the world when these appear in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition. It hits newsstands February 10th, and it just might be the man fail heard round the world.

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