New Moon Premier Outfits: Losers

Sadly, I did not get to go to the premier. Something about not being famous? My invitation must have been lost in the mail, but that's okay because I still get to play my favorite game: Who dressed you for the New Moon premier and did you see a mirror on the way out the door?

Grand Champion: Jamie Campbell Bower

Jamie, I'm about to let you in on a big secret here: Robert Pattinson is the messy hair sex god. There can be only one. What is is with the Volturi guys? Go find a hair brush!

First Place: Noot Seer

Standing here with Esme Cullen aka Elizabeth Reaser (white's not your color, honey), the Volturi's temptress Noot Seer is wearing . . . what is she wearing? It's a dress of some sort, but it seems to have escaped from the zoo. Or an acid trip.

Honorable Mention:
Nikki Reed

Billionaire boyfriend and a supposedly rocking body . . . in a silk sack. Seriously, who dresses you. It's almost a repeat of your Teen Choice Awards outfit.

Honorable Mention:
Jessica Kendrick

Jessica Kendrick appears to have been attacked by a rapid bejeweler here. Not sure what inspired this outfit, especially as Jessica is one member of the cast that actually does have a fair amount of red carpet experience.

Volturi Featurette: Cool, But I'm Still A Hater

As a part of the New Moon publicity blitzkrieg, there's a new featurette about the making of the Volturi. I like it for stills shots like these:

The stills are gorgeous. But I still have no love for the Volturi. As far as I'm concerned, the vampire overlords are permanently personas non grata. Just for being bastards. Can't help it. I'm selectively Team Vampire, movie featurettes not withstanding.

Dakota Fanning Looks 1000 Years Old

New Volturi stills are out today, and I confess to being completely taken aback by them. Mostly, because it breaks down like this. Dakota Fanning, who plays the vampire torturer Jane in New Moon, is not that old. In fact, Dakota Fanning's real age is 15. She was born in 1994.

In this photo, however, she looks about 1,000.

I mean, I know that the camera usually adds about 20 pounds, but 985 years? Sweet Jesus, keep that lens away from me.