Female Turkeys On Thanksgiving

Have a great day, everyone!

New Moon = 10 x Hilarious

So, my neighbor got me to go see the 12:30 showing of New Moon. That's right--I've officially seen the New Moon movie we've all been SOOOO obsessed with and . . .

I LOL'ED. I mean, there were part where I honestly cackled. Loudly. You must go see this for yourself.

Total scene stealer? Billy Burke as Charlie Swan.

Best unexpected quote? Harry Clearwater: "My kung fu is strong"

Best and most expected part: The Shirtless Wonders

Seeing it again tomorrow night and totally looking forward to it!

Kellan Lutz + Lindsay Lohan = No Dice

This little news item just crossed my radar and made me laugh. Who knew there was a Lindsay Lohan and Kellan Lutz connection?

I'll drain anyone who implies we're together

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan was out drinking last week and tried to pass her bar bill over to Kellan Lutz by having the waitress charge his card for her drinks. While I'm appalled that she can get that close to him but I can't, it seems that as usual, the boy acted with some sense.

In other words, DENIED. He declined to pay for her drinks, leaving her to scramble to cover her own tab--as well she should.

Millions Of Men Are About To Get Interested In Twilight

It's official. Millions of men are about to develop a sudden, intense desire to see the new Twilight movie. Why?

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:

Imagine their shock when they get to the theater and discover that Ashley Greene as vampire Alice Cullen looks like this the whole movie:

OMG, How did I miss Pattinson Panties?

Catching up on a few things, and damn. You look away from the blogosphere for one freakin' second on the weekend, and you miss this:

Read all about it at Twitarded, which is also where I blatantly borrowed the above image from after I got done mopping up my drink. Wild laughter + Pattinson panties = wet. You must click through to see what is printed on the INSIDE of those undies!

Hitler Reacts To Twilight The Movie

So, my Dad took a break from a board meeting he was in to point me in the direction of YouTube. This is such a rare and unheard of occurrence that it deserves a post all on its own, but we don't have time for that. Let me just say, I love you, Dad, and move on to Hitler.

He was steering me to the video manipulation of Hitler reacting to the Nebraska football team's horrible loss to Virginia Tech. Yes, I watch football, too. Yes, I'm a Cornhusker. It's a family thing. Sue me if you don't like it.

However, this isn't a football post. It's a Twilight post, because just like Rome, all roads lead to Twilight. Eventually. Even football, boys, even FOOTBALL will lead you to Twilight.

In this case, they lead to Twilight AND Hitler, which is special and weird just in its own way. I realize this is undoubtedly old, but it is still comedy genius.

Twilight Funny For the Weekend + 2 More

Sheesh, was that a long week for anyone else or what? It certainly was for me. Damn you the week after a long holiday weekend, damn you.

To make it all better, I offer you some laughs for the weekend.

Here's a little Twilight humor, courtesy of Twilighters Anonymous. It's Carlisle's "Top 10 Pick Up Lines" and yes, they are every bit as bad as you'd imagine (snicker):

10. I’ve learned a lot over the centuries, but I’d give it all up for your smile.

9. You can show me anything, I am a doctor after all.

8. Have you ever wondered what started my scarf collection? Would you like to find out?

7. The name is Cullen. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but I like to be known as Dr. Love.

6. Do you want to play doctor?

5. These hands are skilled and trained to save lives. Would you like to find out what else they’re good at?

4. I’m a doctor, and yes I do take my lab coat home.

3. You can call me Dr. McSparkly.

2. If you need a love doctor, I have a medical degree.

1. [Holds Stethoscope] Why don’t you listen to your heart and go out with me?

Then here are two pieces of non-Twilight humor, courtesy of the grapevine.

Who hasn't heard of this little incident? No, I'm not talking about the original performance by Kanye West at the VMAs (aka, Why Drinking Before Public Appearances Is Retarded). I'm talking about the President calling him a jackass, captured here:



And finally . . . .oh sweet Lord . . . .I present you with People Of Wal-Mart. For those of you who visit from around the world, Wal-Mart is a mega discount store where a VERY BROAD swathe of Americans shop for the cheapest goods money can buy. You really never know who you will see there, and here's the photographic evidence to prove it. I laughed so hard at some of these I think I hurt something. See if you can spot the Twilight connection . . .it's a couple of pages back.

Movie Stars Have Quiet Labor Day Weekend

Well, there is nothing like being back to work after a long weekend. Nothing quite matches that little bit of hell that is knowing you get to get back to the daily grind, or at the very least, a big pile of deadlines and emails that all want something from you.

The good news for me as I plug back into blog land was that by being out of town and a bit lazy, I missed the great photoshoot brouhaha of 2009. Essentially, for those of you that missed it, there were these smoking hot new pictures of Rob Pattinson that hit the web late last week . . . .only the photographer who took them was seriously NOT OKAY with them being out on the internet. Gung ho bloggers who posted them up were hit with nasty DOWN NOW orders, and some websites were blocked. Not so cool, and not so fun.

The general mocking of said photo takedown happened at TWITARDED. Seriously, these girls are too funny with their Twi-madness.

In news from the Twilight Eclipse set . . . nada. Essentially, all the big famous stars did what I did with my weekend . . .hang out, eat out, catch a concert. Okay, so I didn't go to a concert, but all reports are that they had a lot of fun with the 6 billion paparazzos that stalked them there and yet still did not manage to get a decent photo to share with you.

Instead, I'll close today with a note about some people who had WAY too much time for fun this weekend. Seriously, who mowed this into a cornfield?

I Wanna Be Edward Cullen

Thanks to Letters To Rob for this gem:

Touching Rob Pattinson Professionally

So, I had the most wonderful 2 hour massage today, which made me think of the Twilight boys.

Let me break that logic down for you:

1. My massage was an awesome reward for surviving a busy week.

2. Eclipse just started filming. Lots of busy weeks coming up here.

3. Massage therapists get to touch people for a living.

4. People doing vampire stunts probably ache after a long week.

5. People who have muscle aches are likely to engage the services of a masseuse.

6. The Eclipse team probably includes a group of professional masseurs.

7. Someone is making a living out of rubbing down Rob Pattinson after a long day.

8. Someone is making a living out of helping Taylor Lautner ease those poor overworked muscles of his.

9. Someone is making a living out of helping Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Xavier Samuel, and the Wolfpack with their "tension".

10. Someone's life is hella good.

11. I knew I should have dropped out of school and become a masseuse. Damn career counselors didn't know what could have been in my hands. For hours each day. After which someone would have handed me a fat paycheck. For touching the Twilight boys.

12. Damn, damn, damn!

13. Sigh. Tell me again why my parents wanted me to have a real career? Someone out there is getting paid to touch those hot ass actors, and I'm just relaxed enough not to be too jealous.

If Twilight Was A Facebook Update

Many thanks to the lovelies over at Letters To Twilight for sharing this funny Twilight send up. It's based on the movie instead of the book for you detail nazi's out there, but still made me laugh out loud.

Rob Pattinson Smoking Humor

Many thanks to RoseArcadia over on the Twilighted forum threads for this funny rotation of Rob Pattinson smoking it up. Watch through to the end . . .I'm not even a smoker and it made me laugh out loud!

In other news, everyone and their dog is flying to Vancouver. Who's excited for filming to start? That would be me! I'm trying to figure a way to get up there and set stalk. I've never been a fan girl, but for some reason it just seems like it would be interesting. We'll see what the fall brings, I guess!

Happy Tuesday!

Photo Smackdown: Kristen Stewart And Nikki Reed

Somebody snarky out there has it in for Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed. And somebody right here (yeah, that would be me!) thought it was freakin' hilarious.

Promoting the hell out of the Twilight Saga, times 2.

I totally love Kate Beckinsdale, btw. I especially love how she made up for Van Helsing with Underworld. No accents, all leather, guns, and vampire sexiness. Hmmm . . . . . .how can we incorporate more of those things into Twilight? Work on it people!

Fan Fic Will Be The Damn Death Of Me

This week, while fighting off real life with both hands, I managed to discover three very awesome fan fic stories. Insert massive happiness at plots and character usage, remove about 15 hours of sleep time.

When will I learn not to start long, multi-chaptered, hyper addicting stories at the crack of freaking midnight? However, though none of these are complete, they are all worth the time it will take you to read them. Who needs sleep anyway?

If you have love for a good story, check these out:

1. Clipped Wings And Inked Armor: The Cullen boys are tattoo artists, and Bella works at a bookstore across the street. Alice is still psychic, and Rosalie is an engineer/cocktail waitress. I don't want to give away too many plots points, because this is a great no vampire thriller. It's not finished yet, but very worth a read so far. 14 Chapters to date, by hunterhunting. She's also very good about linking to tattoo images and piercings if you don't know them well.

2. Art After 5: Currently totally in cliffhanger! After their initial meeting and good run, they've split up! Will Bella and Edward get back together? Lord, I hope so! Very good characters, non-vamp, hopefully headed for happily ever after. I can't talk too much about B & E without giving away the whole story, so I'll talk about the others. Rosalie & Emmett as a happy married jewish couple, Alice & Jasper together, and a heartbreakingly beautiful couple set up for Carlisle and Esme. 44 Chapters (short chapters) by sleepyvalentina. Also has a companion story, Counterpoint, told from Edward's point of view.

3. Poughkeepsie: When Rosalie used the rocket launcher to blow up Emmett's office . . . . when Mike tricked Bella into a cubic zirconia engagement . . . when Alice talked Jasper out of the priesthood . . . . when the author, Mrs.TheKing, interviews the characters . . . . this story has action, adventure, romance, and humor. Touching, rich characters, and 58 Chapters waiting for you. Not finished yet and definitely got me on the edge of my seat.

Kevin Smith Loves Twilight?

Okay, I WAS going to post about Twilight merchandise, but this had me falling off my chair LMAO.

Oh, sweet Jesus. This just made my Monday. Kevin Smith, of Clerks & Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back fame, did a stand up routine about Twilight fangirls and the New Moon Movie clips and it is GOLDEN.

Spoof Trailers Never Get Old

I'd seen this before, but it's making the rounds again, and frankly, it's still made of WIN. Added bonus? The Jacob in this video is off legal age to ogle freely!

Rob Pattinson Harry Potter Snark

Okay, so I was totally inspired by the Jimmy Fallon thing yesterday to hunt down more Cedric Diggory / Rob Pattinson vs. Twilight madness related funnies. This is helping me fuel two obsessions at once for the week! Yes, I am seeing Harry Potter again today. Yes, I am almost 30. Don't judge like that, cause I'm making time for Twilight too.

Or at least Twilight tie-ins. Here were some of the images I found that did the trick!

see more Lol Celebs

see more Lol Celebs

And my personal favorite:

Yay For Radcliffe v. Pattinson

Okay, so I was one of the obsessed who went to the midnight premier of the Potter. The movie was good, the crowd not so much. The last time I did one of these movie premiers, the theater had hired a magician and people were in full-on costumes, complete with wand.

New state, new theater = well, at least they served beer.

Anyway, the movie was epic win, as Draco is a hella good lurker and the 10,000 Gollums rushing Potter were priceless (Yes, when they appeared I did indeed utter, 'My Precious!') so it was totally worth it.

Not so worth it? Being absolutely shot for the next 2 days thanks to lack of sleep + real world. Actually had to be on a Twi-news diet due to deadlines and massive restriction of internet browsing time. BOOOOO!

Fortunately, not everyone was suffering like me. Some people were out there creating this bit of pricelessness:

I almost forgive Mr. Fallon for some of his earlier work thanks to this. Almost. Well done.