When Outfits Attack: Ashley Greene

Yay for the MTV VMAs! I missed the live feed so I have about 10 billion YouTube postings to catch up on, but fortunately there is plenty of time for my favorite awards show game: What the hell are you wearing?

Today's contestant is none other than VMA fashion correspondent Ashley Greene. Yes, we all know and love Ashley, and I may have counseled in the past that you don't be mean to Ashley Greene.

However, you don't be dressin' Ashley Greene in no stinkin' gold lamé skirt, either.

Exhibit A: The Horror

For shame! Who did this? You know she didn't get to dress herself. Most of the time when she dresses herself she looks pretty good.

Exhibit B: Personal Taste

And even though I thought the skirt here was a little special, too, at least it didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

Exhibit C: Past Choices

So basically what we have here is ample evidence that Ashley is a basically competent dresser, capable of not looking like something that escaped from the '80's just this afternoon. Which means I have to find someone and hit them for this.

Exhibit A: The Horror, Again, Because I'm Not Done

I would also like to have her ditch the shoes, that necklace, and whoever did her eye make-up. She looks good, but it's more like an outfit I would have expected on Kristen Stewart, especially after that punk spike skirt thing from the Teen Choice Awards.

For the record, I don't like the clutch she's holding, either. Shudders. Ashley, please, I count on you to be the cute one! Don't let this happen again.

Bryce Dallas Howard Sacrilege!

Well, Catherine Hardwicke has once again annoyed the snot out of me by speaking in public. It's not just that I don't like her voice this time, though. This time, she's revealing that Rachelle Lefevre was not the first choice to play Victoria . . .it was supposed to be Bryce Dallas Howard all along!

However, at the time, the Twilight saga was beneath Bryce, so she passed on it . . .or her people said it was too small for her . . .or something. And now, when the sheer awesome venom goodness that is Rachelle Lefevre's portrayal of Victoria has made it into a bigger part . . .lo and behold, Bryce Dallas Howard has her hands all over it.

It's a sacrilege, people. I am not amused. Rachelle rocked Victoria and was a really good Twilight trooper. Yes, Barney's Version spells bigger and better things for her down the road, but she doesn't really need people going around saying, well, we didn't really want her anyway. Way to kick a kid when they're down, Catherine.

I still love you, Rachelle, and you'll always be Victoria to me!

Justin Chon: Also At The Teen Choice Awards

So, it was brought to my attention that when I did the men of Twilight's clothing breakdown, I forgot one of the men!

Apparently, Justin Chon was also at the Teen Choice Awards 2009 ceremony, and the early coverage was all Robert Pattinson all the time, so he kind of slipped through the cracks. It was late, I was tired . . .I was lazy.

However, that doesn't mean I don't like Justin Chon. Au contraire, mes amis. I think he's great, even if they gave him a teensy part. He's still fun, and still interesting, and still dressed like a weird Eurotrash backpacker in this photo.

The Men At The Teen Choice Awards

A breakdown of the ladies outfits should only be followed by a breakdown of the men's clothes, right? And if only I could get the men's clothes to break down . . . . . wait, that's another post.

Jackson Rathbone

Um, channeling our inner Johnny Depp much? The hair, the sunglasses, the vest . . . when you run away to France I am SO FOLLOWING YOU THERE!

Taylor Lautner

Suit, man. Where is the suit? And must you always do that thing with your hair? Shark week is over, baby, over! But how mad at you can I really be when yes, you're still hot, even when you're not wearing a suit.

Kellan Lutz

All clean cut and charming, as ever. I was kind of hoping you would whip out something really funky, not unlike your disguise at the Comic Con event here.

Robert Pattinson

MMMMMMM. So Rob, I hear you won the award for "Choice Hottie" . . .how does that not happen every day?

And one without all the surfboards and nonsense in it . . . . .Congratulations on the hotness, Rob, although, please, next time can you wear a suit? I love you in a suit.

Thanks to Socialite Life, Just Jared, and Getty for the Photos!

Teen Choice Awards: Wardrobe Choices

Bwahahaha, the live feed was down so hearing all about the event was decided for me. I "watched" via tweets and posts, although of course it will all be on again on Monday night.

Until then, we can play my favorite red carpet game: What the hell are you wearing?

Nikki Reed

I like the shoes okay, but I am kind of meh on the dress. Sadly, Nikki is a bit ruined for me at the moment as now, whenever I see her, I am curious how many of her wardrobe choices are being influenced by her connection with this guy.

Ashley Greene

I like the top of the dress, with the feathering or whatever it is around the bustier section. The random floral on the bottom of the dress? WTForks is that? I think the designer could have done something much cooler than THAT with this dress.

Kristen Stewart

So, evidently those are punk rock metal studs dangling on the bottom of that dress. Many people have implied its to keep people's hands away, but I am much more practical than that. How the hell do you sit down on punk rock studs? Through an awards show? Either Kristen is much more hard core than I had previously suspected, or she has a major thing for pain. Or she's an idiot. Take your choice.

Thanks to Socialite Life and Getty for the Photos!