Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A Twilight Halloween? Save Me Now.

In a vain attempt to block out the sounds of the construction crew re-siding my sister's house, I turned to Twilight. Okay, the wonderful Twilight-related blogs. I wanted a distraction. I needed a distraction.

What did I find? Pumpkin Stencils.

That's right, there are Twilight pumpkin stencils, so you can carve your very own piece of FIRST-HAND embarrassment and put it on your porch. All you need to do after that is install a bright neon sign on your house that says "Please mock me and vandalize my property" and you'll be good to go for real memorable Halloween.

The Twilight pumpkin stencils are hideous. As in, cringe-worthy to the nth degree. In no particular order of awfulness, I have:

Edward Cullen & his "angry" face


Jacob Black, still with really bad hair


Bella Swan, moronic expression intact


Our favorite lovebirds, labeled so even strangers will know


What really adds insult to injury is that these are rated at an intermediate difficulty level. Thus, someone wanting to embarrass themselves and their family, and possibly the whole neighborhood by extension, actually needs to spend hours on this baloney.

Now, admittedly, there are some things that could be done with a Twilight Halloween pumpkin that might . . . if you're stretching . . . justify carving one of these bad boys up. Like, for example, if you really want to irk a Team Jacob friend by smashing up his bright orange visage. Or if you want to get back at Bella Swan for being a twat by NOT carving her onto the pumpkin with Edward. But still, it's a lot of time and effort for not a lot of reward.

The official Twilight pumpkin stencils go for about $13.95. I don't think it's worth it. Not for something that looks ridiculous and is pretty much guaranteed to get you brutally harassed by everyone who sees them. Thoughts?

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